Booger eater and the Pregnant Tween:

Ladies, I’m still trying to figure out why it is you come here. Are you sisters? You don't work out?!? You look like twins although one of you out weighs the other by a good 125lbs. I’m assuming that one of your parents is an employee; I’d really like to thank you for sitting on your asses and taking up space. Pregnant 16 year old, my problem doesn’t lay with you and your poor decision making, so much as it does your sister.

Booger eater, first off, I’m glad that you like to work out in blue jeans; however, I would think your girthy 5’ 2”, 255 frame would be better off in sweat pants. Also, thank you for taking up space on one of the good 'espresso' bikes...no one else wants to use it, so you continue to use it as a chair and watch Ellen on TV. Oh, by the way, I did see you picking your nose, and thank you for not disappointing me when you ate that nose gold.

You two stay classy!

L.

Mr. Sleeveless shirt with “sleeves”:

Sup, tough guy? Are you a former inmate? Are you that poor that you can’t afford a shirt with sleeves? You’re not huge, but thanks for grunting and yelling while benching 135lbs....you’re awesome, but not as awesome as you fully tatted up arms. Not only are you a priceless slice of humanity, but your arms are priceless works of art.

The Dainty Princess:

I know I sweat when I’m getting my swell on at the gym. I go to the Y everyday for one reason and one reason alone, and that’s to work out....work out hard! So, I’m sorry if my perspiration offends you, and I’m glad you moved machines to get away from me. By the way, when you go to the gym, dress to work out...you're not clubbing, and how much make-up do you really need to wear to the gym? Good thing you’re not here to sweat otherwise that stuff would run!

Attention: YMCA Members,

I feel that I need to thank some of my fellow YMCA members for making my life better. I really want to thank them for a great work-out experience. I really mean that….my days would not be complete without spending time with each and every one of them.